Compliments.
Who knew there was an effective way to deliver them?
And a way that almost certainly guarantees we'll end up in one of those awkward tussles: "But it really does look good on you!" "But you really are good at art!" "But it really is a delicious meal!"
Who has been involved in one of those endless circuits of repeated reassurances that we really did like or appreciate what we thought we already said we did like or appreciate.
Mind boggling!
It spiralled out of control at the moment we delivered the compliment in a generalised, universalised manner: ""You're great at golf."
Most of us would find that difficult to own. After all, we're not playing in the International Circuit, so we really aren't 'great'.
At that point, our strong ability to discern sincerity, and its absence, kicks in. To let something into our heart, we like to know it's real. Likening us to a Golfing Great just doesn't resonate in our heart. We get confused by the dissonance between reality and what was said. That's where the trouble starts.
Yet mostly, the compliment giver never intended to imply we're a Golfing Great. They mostly just meant to say they admire how we play.
If only the compliment had been delivered like that!
"I admire the way you play." "I think you play well." "I thought you played that shot well."
The key to delivering a compliment that hits home is to make it personal, specific and real.
To ensure our compliments are received in the way we intend them, simply own our comment. No one can easily reject a comment prefaced by, "I like....", "I enjoy..." or "I appreciate.....". Any other form of compliment that sounds as if it's making a universal statement, such as, "You're great at that!" can be rejected.
By owning compliments, we can increase the effectiveness of our compliments.
Arohanui.
Contact me: Lorraine Dodd: Counsellor in Howick, Auckland 0221 874 057, through the contact section http://lorrainedodd.wix.com/lorraine-dodd by email nurturinghope@gmail.com or Private Message me through Facebook
